My reaction to viewing "The Third Way"
I have to admit that, throughout the video, when they showed the younger man talking about his experiences, I was distracted. He was “my type” if you will and I couldn’t help but appreciate how he looked. But then I realized that I was really looking at him in a more sexualized manner. I think I have come to realize that I focus on guys for a sexual yearning, not that of love. I believe my confusions have grown out of a history with pornography that screwed with my head from an early age. I have recently thought about having boyfriends, having a real relationship, but it all began with me just wanting a physical connection. Now I see that I have a deep capacity for love for all people in general, but I just placed whom to love with who I felt physically aroused. I no longer think that is accurate with who I really am.
I now believe there were many reasons I have struggled with this confusion. I was hurt by a girlfriend early in high school. This betrayal led to me not having trust in girls and turning towards guys for affirmation and intimacy. I was subjected to gay porn at the age of 8 years old and I believe this really messed with my brain and formed attachments. I often “feel” like I’m gay but “believe” I am straight.
I said last night that that I don’t want to feel obliged to “be gay” so I can help other young Catholic men who are struggling with the same thing. Well, that’s not true. I feel obliged to love. It doesn’t matter if I AM gay or not, I am called to show all children of God equal dignity in love. The Third Way helped me realize that true, authentic Catholic love is much more than sex, it is real intimacy rooted in respect.