Carolyn - A Birth Mother’s Story and Adoptive Mom’s Story
Adoption: Sacrifice and Gift
A true story told from the perspective of a birth Mother and adoptive Mother in the State of NH with appreciation from their daughter.
From the Birth Mom Putting my baby up for adoption was the most difficult decision of my life. I was young and irresponsible. I deeply regretted getting pregnant. Deep down I knew how important it was for a child to have good parents and a good upbringing. I knew I was not that person and my baby deserved better.
When the time came to give birth, I regret deeply that I chose to not see or hold my baby.
When the papers were signed and the adoption was final, I tried to get on with my life. Every year, on my baby's birthday, my heart would go wandering and I would wonder how she was doing. For 27 years I pretended that things were all right. This all took place back in the 60s when there was nothing open about the adoption process.
Eventually, knowing nothing was working, and with the help of a support group, I learned how to register with the national "soundex" registry. By registering with this agency I made myself available to be found.
I waited 1 year and no contact was made. I then hired a professional searcher and found my daughter's mother. I wrote to her and thanked her for raising my child. I asked for her permission to meet my daughter. She lovingly agreed. The "rest is history."
On Feb. 22, 1998 on the top floor of the prudential tower, we were reunited! It was like something out of a movie. My daughter was a miniature version of me!
The day after we met, my daughter sent me a bouquet of flowers with a card that read, "Few people in this world are lucky enough to have 2 mothers. Thank you for making me one of them."
I had no idea that I would ever feel anything but shame and blame. Now I feel love and gratitude that my situation turned out with such a happy ending!
From the Adoptive Mom What is it like to adopt a child! Where do you start? When you find out that you cannot have a child the way most mothers do - the tests, the hopes, the questions from friends and family why you are not starting a family. The longing every time you hold a friends child. The hole in your heart, the empty space that nothing can fill. Then the decision to adopt a child comes. Followed by the interviews, the checking up on the home and the interviews of our parents and friends. The fear we will not be good enough. The wait and hope and finally the call that we were approved and they hoped we might have a child in nine months to a year.
Next came the long wait, but this time with the joy of knowing someday we would hold a child of our own. We decorated the baby's room in cream and white, bought furniture and planted a peach tree so the baby would wake up to a room with pink flowers at every window, but still it seemed unreal. Then came the call that a baby was waiting. The call came on a Friday afternoon that we could come and see the baby on Monday. We were told to not to tell anyone in case something went wrong. How could we keep such information to ourselves? We called family and friends and went shopping for clothes, etc.... Our joy spread to the clerks in the baby stores as we picked out things for the baby to come. I went to bed Saturday night with a heart full of gratefulness and joy. Sunday morning I said a thankful prayer for the woman who unselfishly gave up her child so I could be a mother. I prayed I would be worthy of such a gift.
Sunday night I got little sleep thinking of the woman whose arms were empty so mine could be filled. I felt a great love for this person that I did not know and who I may never know. Monday morning we went down to see the beautiful baby girl and she was placed in our arms. It took us less then a minute to say yes, this is our baby, and then we took her home. We had a hard time keeping family and friends away for the first few days as we settled our little one into her new home. But, after a week we had baby showers and gifts and love arrived from everywhere for the new baby. As she snuggled in my arms I again said a prayer of thanks to the woman who gave her to me. I knew in that moment that at every birthday I would thank her. I hope any woman who is thinking about giving her child up for adoption can know the joy of at least one woman, who sends her love and thanks for the rest of her life.
And from their Daughter I do have a poem that I keep close and have read many times throughout my life. It reminds me of how fortunate I am to have two loving mothers. It's called "Legacy of an Adopted Child" and the author is unknown.
Legacy of an adopted child Once there were two women who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives shaped to make yours one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life, the second taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for Love, the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you the seed for talent, the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first smile, the other dried your tears.
One gave you up, it was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child and was led straight to you.
And now you ask me through your tears
the age old question through the years,
"Heredity or environment, which am I the product of?"
Neither my darling, neither,
Just two different kinds of Love. - Author Unknown